i want a do over
When I first saw her, sitting there on that black vinyl couch, my emotions began to wage a war within me. Our translator was unreliable and the environment seemed so formal. I wanted to run to her and hug her and tell her I was her mama. But everything we had learned through our reading and training sounded loudly in my head. I was supposed to use caution, approach gently, engage her in play. With babies it is natural, you just pick them up and cradle them. A five year old little girl who cannot understand anything you are saying is a completely different experience. I thought I needed to give her space and time to adjust and those things are probably good and true. But on this side looking back I am now doubting my posture in that moment. When a child emerges from its mothers womb where does it immediately go? Next to the mother's heart. The mother cradles and smiles and sings and cries and feeds and touches and kisses that sweet new little baby. My whole life I