Showing posts from September, 2014

i want a do over

When I first saw her, sitting there on that black vinyl couch, my emotions began to wage a war within me.  Our translator was unreliable and the environment seemed so formal.  I wanted to run to her and hug her and tell her I was her mama.  But everything we had learned through our reading and training sounded loudly in my head.  I was supposed to use caution, approach gently, engage her in play.  With babies it is natural, you just pick them up and cradle them.  A five year old little girl who cannot understand anything you are saying is a completely different experience.  I thought I needed to give her space and time to adjust and those things are probably good and true.  But on this side looking back I am now doubting my posture in that moment.

When a child emerges from its mothers womb where does it immediately go?  Next to the mother's heart.  The mother cradles and smiles and sings and cries and feeds and touches and kisses that sweet new little baby.  My whole life I have …

finding shelter in the storms of life

In this day of modern technology we demand the ability to view live events.  We don't want to just read about what is happening or what may be happening we want proof.  And so with every storm comes the footage of the weatherman in the storm.  He gives us firsthand knowledge of the intensity of the weather.  Everyone else in the surrounding area has evacuated because the conditions are not safe. While we love this type of news coverage, there is a point in every storm when the commitment to news becomes ridiculous even to the information seeking viewer.  We begin to yell at the screen for the weatherman to run for safety.  Why is he still out there in that storm?

I thought of this picture the other day and how well it describes the storms in our own life.  We think we are brave and independent to stand out in the storm by ourselves.  But it is all an illusion, pure foolishness.  

When facing a time of stress, conflict, anxiety, or confusion there is a shelter where we can run.  It i…

when Marines worship Jehovah

My mom posted this video on her facebook wall yesterday.  I was intrigued by the tagline "Participatory worship. I love how excited the men get to sing this song & the camaraderie. 'Days of Elijah'" and so I hit play.  I have heard this song before.  I have myself been in a crowd of people singing this song.  But when these nearly 500 U.S. Marines at the Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton in California started singing it was like hearing it for the first time.  

The news over the past few months has grown increasingly more and more disturbing.  At times it can feel like everything is complete chaos.  Followers of Christ are being persecuted all around the world.  And here in our own country you sense a growing disdain for anyone who claims the Bible as absolute Truth.  This video filled me with such great hope.  It is so encouraging to see any group of men joyfully praising God, but in light of current events, seeing a group of Marines exclaiming "THERE IS NO G…

a year of photos and memories

It was all the wrong timing.  At least that is how it seemed in my mind.  We had not been home from China long enough.  Our hearts were open to the possibility of one more, but maybe in another year.  And then the long months of feeling so sick and desparately trying to still be mama to four.  But we grew that year.  The kids learned how to do things.  I learned that they were capable of more than I had previously expected.  They bonded together and stepped up to the challenge.  I had to step away from interests and events and even relationships.  The vaccum created a deep bond with my husband.  The way he stepped up to the challenge grew my admiration for him.  And we began to discover the wrong timing turned out to be perfectly right.

We did not know if our baby was London or Luke.  Not until the moment my hands pulled her to my chest and the midwife said, "You call it."  Girl.  Beautiful, perfect baby girl.  I had feared the baby might be a girl.  I worried what that wou…

are you ready for school?

There are certain times in life or seasons of the year when you are asked the same question in every conversation.  Your senior year of high school the question is,  "what are you going to do after graduation?".  When you are pregnant every stranger you meet asks you, "Are you having a boy or a girl?".  Which is usually followed by their personal opinion on the gender of your baby.  Once the baby comes and you finally drag yourself out of the house, every person you meet asks you, "Are they sleeping through the night?".  Which is followed by the look of pity when your answer continues to be "No".  During the month of May everyone asks "Are you going anywhere this summer?".   These questions are the social norm.  It is what you are trained to ask in these and many more typical situations.  And once the calender turns to August and you have school aged children, this is what you will here every time you leave the house... "Are you …