when you don't feel compassion


When I was a child my Dad had back to back assignments with the U.S.Army in Germany. My parents held high the value of travel and also the appreciation of both culture and creation. This desire meant that my weekends and holidays were spent exploring all of Europe in our Dodge camper. My Dad would always joke that if they left me alone in a city, I would return home with every homeless beggar and stray animal I met along the way .  I was constantly pleading to my parents for money to give. I just could not ignore the needs of others around me. As a child the desperation of people in need would bring me to tears. To answer this longing of my heart, at the start of each trip my parents would give me a set amount of coins that I was able to donate to whomever I wanted. There was never enough change in the bag. 
When I see someone hurting, my soul aches. It's my make up and this personality trait has guided much of the course of my life. I came to mo…

in the course of time

I love new ideas. I love beginning something. And I love when everything comes together at the end. But the middle part...well...I struggle.

Has God ever clearly spoken a promise to you? But then weeks, months, years go by and you start to think....maybe I heard that wrong? or maybe I should just make this happen in my own way and my own timing? You are not alone.

The flannel graph version of the Bible from my childhood always made things seem like they happened instantly. God promised Abraham a son and then Issac was born. Noah built an ark, it rained and then a rainbow came out. Moses was found in the basket and then he parted the Red Sea. And on and on the stories played out with only the highlight reel making it up on the board.

What the flannel graph didn't show was the 100 years it took to build the ark and then the year that Noah sat on that smelly boat. Or the forty years Moses spent living in Midian before he appeared before Pharoah. We want to skip over the part that sa…

when bones disappear

Our daughter came home when she was five years old. Five years of life lived on her own. Five years of missing a family. And most importantly five years of missing an advocate. Our choices, our decisions, our "yes" and our "no", they all carry a weight of action and consequence. Most days our family lives out our days like any other family. But then there are days like today. The days that set us apart. The days when the past collides with the present and forgotten seasons scream to be noticed again. 
Our daughter's waiting child profile listed not just one, but multiple special needs. She came home with a handful of photographs from her life before we met. They are an incredibly precious gift to both of us. Photos taken for a waiting child's file are different than other pictures.  You can tell when you see them they were meant for a specific purpose. She is about 18 months old in her first one. I have no idea how many agencies listed her over the years o…

Pumpkin in a Pumpkin Soup

My entire life I have used pumpkin from a can...until this year. Now that I have realized how easy it is to have fresh baked pumpkin there is no turning back.  You can chop a pumpkin into four or more large pieces or just bake it whole.  A few weeks ago I saw a photo of pumpkin soup cooked right inside the pumpkin.  It looked so fun, I just had to try it out. My opportunity came in my weekly farm share containing this beautiful Cinderella pumpkin. I took a deep breath and just went for it, fully expecting my first go to be a total bust. But it wasn't.  It was actually super easy and everyone loved it.  So now it's your turn to try it out.  The best thing about this recipe is everything is cooked in the pumpkin....that means no pot to clean!

Pumpkin in a Pumpkin Soup

1 Cinderella Pumpkin
3 Leeks
2 cloves of garlic, minced
8 cups of chicken bone broth
1 c shreded Parmesan and Romano cheese blend
Salt and Pepper

Cut around the stem and place to the side...but don't throw it o…

Blueberry & Beet Smoothie

Smoothies are great anytime of the day AND they are super easy to make AND you can hide all kinds of goodness in a smoothie.  They really are a huge win for a busy mom. If you grew up in the 80s, like I did,  the word "beets" probably makes you think of those awful things that came in a can. The label said "beets"  but now that I have enjoyed fresh beets straight from the farm...well, I am really not sure what was in those cans. Beet roots (the red part) can help lower your blood pressure, fight cancer and inflammation, give you energy and support detoxification.  And don't throw out the leafy greens attached to the top!  Those are not used in this recipe but they taste great with some oil, onions and garlic at another meal. The greens can strengthen your immune system and support brain and bone health. Have I convinced you yet to try them again?? For years I have steamed my beets on the stovetop but this summer a very sweet friend gifted me a instapot.  WOW d…

she has faith for the road ahead

(photo credit)

"What is faith?"  I posed the question to the three little faces staring back at me. My youngest points to her sister sitting next to her and giggles. And my heart remembers walking that path behind our home with two little boys walking next to me. The two boys I had just sent off to middle school that morning. As we made our daily walk down to the stream to throw rocks, we discussed this same question. That was the day we decided together that this little girl we were waiting for would be named Faith. And now here I was staring into the eyes of my daily reminder. 
Faith knows the answer to this question. She has heard the story thousands of times. "It is believing in something that you can't see with your eyes." Yes baby. We knew God would help us find you and bring you home. You were a promise long before we saw your face. 
There is another part to that verse, though. The verse that God wrote on our hearts that day in September. "the assur…

Make me like the Deer

(photo credit)
My dreams were crashing all around me. I began to wonder if I just needed to accept that I wasn't the kind of person God could use in the way my heart desired. What had started as whispers of doubt were now in max volume on repeat in my heart. My failures seemed insurmountable. My emotions raw. My soul weary.

The mountain called to me. I started my ascent running. Pushing myself physically has always been my outlet. In the movement my wild thoughts pour out to my Heavenly Father. The path becomes steeper now and I find myself jumping over fallen logs. My running feet slow to a walk as the dirt floor turns into solid rock. The way has become too difficult to climb so I find a ledge where I can rest. Rest. "Come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest". The view is breathtaking. The beauty of His creation begins to speak life to the deepest parts of my soul.

I recently learned a practice called "Palms up/Palms down". The idea is to quiet y…