surgery: an opportunity to be a mom

Some weeks feel like we are moving backwards.  It is in those moments that I need to be reminded of the truth of the beginning.  It is in those moments that I am thankful I have this blog as a record. Because two steps forward, one step back is still moving forward.  But it is so hard to have perspective when past hurts are triggered and you start to feel like you are losing the battle.

No Hands But Ours recently featured a story that I wrote about my daughter.  They titled it A Seed of Hope.  The story was published last week.  Just about the time I needed a seed of hope.  Promises were broken, lies were told and our relationship was hurting.  At the heart of the injury was a lack of trust on both sides.  I was in desperate need of a reminder of how far we have come.  


Sometimes all we need is a new perspective.  Last week gave us an opportunity to talk about what a mother is, why she needs one and how much I want to be that for her.  We were able to be very real with each other.  Something that rarely has happened over our three years together.  And this week we were given an opportunity to live it out.  The struggles of chronic health issues can, at times, be a blessing in disguise.  Surgery places my daughter in a situation where she needs a mother and it gives me an opportunity to step up to the plate and show her how much I love her.  These moments are so hard but they are also such a gift.  

On the day of surgery, so many people parade in and out of a pre-op room.  They each come with their own twist on the same questions.  The last one to visit us on Monday morning was the OR nurse.  And she actually had a new question for Elie.  A question that ended up being a gift for my heart.  
  
"Who are you here with?"
Elie looked at me and smiled.  She looked back at the nurse and said, 
"My Mom."

Those two little words hold so much meaning.  Yes, I am her mom.  I have wrestled and fought, sometimes feeling I was losing the battle, but in the end I am her mom and she is my daughter.  The struggle is ours to navigate together.  The story is written with both of our names.  God gave this precious one the middle name Hope for a reason.   The road is not easy but it is not without hope.


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