Finding peace in the chaos

Today started out going the wrong direction.  I awoke, 2 hours late, to the sound of Faith crying.  I am not sure what happened.  The only explanation I have is that I must have turned off my alarm in my sleep.  I have discovered over the years that the day goes much better if I am awake well before any child in my house.  I need some total quiet time before I start the day.  I need to mentally prepare myself for what is going to come bounding down the stairs.  And it works well because Kevin does best if he sleeps every second possible before waking up.  So I truly get the quiet house all to myself.  Today not only were the kids awake, but I had also missed my running time with my good friend.  This is not only my exercise time, but also my socialization AND provides my natural anti-psychotic endorphins for the day...aka if I don't run I start to go crazy.  Filled with frustration and disappointment, the morning chaos began.  We live in a small house with multiple children sleeping together so once one child is awake they are all awake.  School mornings are a flurry of activity getting the boys ready for school while also dealing with all the needs of two little princesses.   Unfortunately the chaos combined with my disappointed and came out in anger.  All it took was one disrespectful comment from Tyler and I responded way to harshly.  He was wrong but I was also wrong.  I apologized to him and hit my knees asking the Father to fill me with His Spirit and reclaim this day.

The sun never came out today.  The girls gave the performance of their life at the grocery store to a huge audience of people. Each one staring, jaw dropped, at the scene.  It rained hard at all the wrong times.  We got two downpours today - one while I was trying to get a huge cart of groceries + 2 children throwing a tantrum to a car that I could not find.  Which by the way, after today I have determined that our next car will be neon orange.  The second came as we had to pick the boys up from school.  Naps were late due to doctor's appointments and so the girls were still asleep when it was time to go.  I dragged 2 screaming girls from their naps into the car then into the rain.  For Faith the crying did not stop until we had made it back home again. The tantrums and crying fits continued throughout the entire day. The day's circumstances never really did turn around, BUT....

I took deep breaths,  I kept praying,  and I walked through the day using calm and loving words.  I discovered a few years ago that my children's emotions do not have to control my own.  It was life altering.  I am still learning that lesson.  And having four is hard.  But instead of getting angry, today I chose joy and to fill myself with the peace that comes from God alone.

And there was one burst of sunshine today.  Not from the sky, but from a growth chart.  Faith had her 3 year check up.  She is now 50% for weight and 60% for height.  When she came home 2 years ago she was barely hanging on the bottom rung of the chart.  Looking at that chart, I heard God whisper to my soul.... somehow in all the chaos something is making a difference, keep going mama.

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