The Traveling Daddy: Our Top 10 Tips

In the fall of 2003 two significant things happened that changed the dynamic of our home.  God placed Kody inside my womb and Kevin started traveling for work.  Now nine years later, I have learned a lot about motherhood.  In our home this includes how to be a mommy with a traveling daddy.  Thankfully I had a wonderful example growing up.  My mom was always very adventurous and willing to carry on when Daddy was not present.  Something military wives just get on a totally different level.  One of my favorite memories of my childhood is a trip my mom and I took all by ourselves to the former East Germany before the wall came down.

I have carried this thought into my own mothering.  I love having Kevin with us on adventures, but if he isn't able to go then we will adventure on our own.  I love the challenge of traveling with children.  And I have often said that I would rather be somewhere amazing with them upset then stuck at home by myself with them upset. That's just me.  So for me the chance of adventure rates higher than the possibility of a public meltdown.

This does not mean that going it solo is easy.  I miss him like crazy.  The kids miss him like crazy.  And for the most part, our life just doesn't make much sense without him around.  He is the steady calm to my emotional rollercoaster personality. We don't sleep as well when Daddy isn't home and the emotional climate is always more volatile.  There are a few things I have learned along the way to help us out.  Whether Daddy is gone for a day or a month, I think they help the remaining crew to carry on.

1.  Daily contact with Daddy.  Love modern technology for this purpose.  We talk with Kevin either by phone or skype everyday.  Sometimes he gets to travel to incredible places that are on way different time zones.  We preplan before he goes what time of day would work best to try and connect.  This can get tricky with school schedules and his work schedule, but you can make it happen.  Especially if Daddy is willing to set his alarm to get up in the middle of the night just to get to talk to his school age kids.  Love that man!   Skype is great for the kids.  Tyler and Faith handle his absence with refusing to talk to him on the phone, but they will always give in to the skype.

2.  Prayer.  This kind of goes along with number 1.  But we try hard to have Kevin call at bedtime to pray with the kids on speaker.  Sometimes this doesn't work with the time difference, but when it does it really helps them out.  Whenever they start to miss Daddy we can pray for him and pray for God to comfort us in our sadness.  Our Heavenly Father loves to do cool stuff like that.

3.  Stinky shirts.  Yep,  we pull out the gross smelly shirt of Daddy's from the bottom of the dirty clothes for them to sleep with.  This is especially helpful for  Kody, he always has the hardest time out of all the kids.  If there is no stinky shirt, I have been known to spray one in the closet with some of daddy's cologne and deodorant.

4.  Keep meals simple.  This is the time to go for the old classics of mac n cheese and cereal for dinner.  The kids LOVE it because it is all fun food.  Or i will cook a big lasagna or casserole and we will eat off of it throughout the week.  We usually go out to eat once.  And because we don't have to wait for Daddy to get home from work, we can go out to eat with the senior crowd at 4:30.

5.  Which brings me to #5.  Early bedtimes.  Enough said.

6.  For longer trips, things to help them count down the days work well.  In the past I have used paper chains for this purpose.  It gives the little ones a tangible way to see how many days are left and encourages them as they get to rip one off each day and see the chain shrink.

7.  Daddy always brings them something back from the trip.  They have gotten every thing from Hawaiian Ukuleles to wood carved camels to something as simple as a pack of gum.  It really doesn't matter what it is, they just love to received a gift from their Father.  And it helps them to have something to look forward to.

8.  Keep the schedule simple.  Just like the meals, keep your plans simple also.  While it is nice to go to a friend's house for dinner while Daddy is gone,  too many of these night time outings will begin to wear us out.  I give myself the freedom to go with the flow of me and the kids.  There are days we need to get out and do something and others where we need to just hunker down at home with a pizza and cartoons - both are okay.  I will say for us the one exception to #8 is Saturdays.  If Daddy is gone on a Saturday, we need a plan to do something or I get in a funk.

9.  Talk it up.  The kids think their Daddy is a super hero saving America.  He has a very important job, kind of like superman.  It is our job to be strong and support each other while he is gone.  Every person is a part of this team and we each have a role to do.  This doesn't mean that we are not allowed to be sad.  We all get our time to cry about Daddy being gone, even Mama, but then we regroup and carry on.

10.  Pre and post trip family QT.  This is SO important.  Clear your schedule pre and post Daddy travel.  This may mean that you have to cancel plans with extended family or friends, but the benefit is huge.  The kids need to have their Daddy tank full when he leaves for his trip.   By the time he returns that tank is on empty and will need to be refueled.  In our house, I am the schedule maker, so this responsibility falls on me to make happen.

What about your family?  How do you survive   thrive when Daddy is on travel away from home?