the importance of "choosing"

Faith:  Today is not a good day

Me:  Well, you can make a choice to turn it into a good day

Faith:  I am having a hard time making that choice come out

Wisdom from the lips of my four year old daughter.  Life is hard.  There are many times when choosing joy, choosing what is right, choosing to focus on the good, choosing to let things go... it is just hard. But it is key to so much of life and definitely the key to sustaining a marriage. 

The first time I saw Kevin I knew I wanted him to be interested in me.  So there was romance from the start.  As we spent time together I knew I wanted to spend time with him always.  So there was also a friendship.  He loved God.  So we had a spiritual connection.  The basics for building a life together were in place.  

Over thirteen years later we still have romance and passion and a spiritual connection.  And to the outsider it can seem that it just comes naturally.  I can say this with confidence because over the years I have been told this to be true.  There have even been times when I have been told that I wouldn't understand because "your marriage is perfect."  My relationship with my husband is wonderful.  But I wouldn't say it came naturally or was always easy and it is definitely not perfect.

The one thing it is...  100% committed to choosing each other.  I met my husband when I was 18.  I am not the same person I was then.  And he is not the same either.  We have had two choices over the years, grow together or grow apart.  It takes effort and time.  It takes giving up what you want to do.  It takes choosing to enjoy things just because the other person loves them.  Kevin and I are still the best of friends but we have worked hard to keep that friendship alive.  

The other day he and I did a fun exercise together.   Each of us told all the things we do or have done just because it interests the other person.  Our lists were long.  Probably way longer than people would imagine.  We discovered that some of the things we started years ago for the other person we now actually enjoy ourselves. 

I challenge you to try it with your spouse,  you may be surprised what you find out.  It may give you some perspective of how they have tried to show love to you.  It may give you a new appreciation for them.  Or maybe you will discover that it is time to reengage.  Maybe as the years have gone by your interests have become very different.  Pick one thing your spouse enjoys and choose to enjoy it together.  I say choose to enjoy because it takes a conscious effort.  If you participate but are a grouch it doesn't count.  Get to know who your spouse has become and make the decision to be a part of their life.  It is well worth the effort.