life with five kids

1.  Someone will always be upset.  And to be fair to the children, sometimes the cranky pants is either Daddy or Mommy. But here is the reality:  with seven people living together the likelihood is at any one time one of those seven people is going to be angry, tired, hungry or just generally grouchy.  Which brings on lesson number two...

2.  The someone is always upset rule does not go away just because you have labeled the activity as "fun"  or  "vacation".  A good friend of mine recently said it well, "Once you have children you do not go on a vacation, you go on a trip."  I would add that vacationing with five children is less like a trip and more like being a part of some kind of survival reality TV show.  

3.  Take lots of photographs.  Even on those crazy trip adventures.  The pictures always help remind me that even in the chaos we are still making positive memories for our children. 

4.  Things will not be equal or fair.  There will be times when one child gets a bigger piece, or special attention, or a new toy and the rest will not.  I hope that through it our children learn to be happy when others get and they do not and to be content when life doesn't seem "fair".  

5.  To make sure number 4 doesn't get out of control, rotate who gets the "special" whatever.  As in child #1 doesn't always get to pick the movie or the last piece of pizza.  But I do not keep a schedule of who went last because I will go crazy.

6.  I love all of my children.  But my relationship with each one is different.  And that is okay because they are all different people.   For a long time I would stress if I enjoyed being around one child more than the other.  I have come to accept it and also realize that it goes in seasons.  For awhile one will be  more enjoyable to be around and then they enter a new stage and it becomes more difficult and then they hit the next one and it is easy again.  Just like all relationships in life some are easier than others. 

7. Say "yes" whenever possible.  It is really easy for me to get into the habit of saying "no".  After London came home I realized that letting go a little and saying yes more actually brought some peace to our home and fostered some relationships.  

8.  We are not going to look anything like a family that has two children.  And I think in some ways we are not going to look anything like a family with five biological children.  We are not able to go the same places, do the same things, purchase the same items, spend the same kind of time with each child, and on and on it goes.  This is an important one for me because I will start to feel bad that we are not doing x,y, z like the other family.  There are lots of bonuses to being a bigger adoptive family but there are also some things that are just not possible.  And that is okay. 

9.  One of the bonuses.... friendships built into the family.  My kids love to play together.  Yes, of course they fight, but they also come up with the best games.  And there is always someone to play with.  If one sibling wants to be alone you can always find another one to join in your game.  You will never be lonely in our house.  

10.  I do not care if you like your food or not, that is what you are eating.  I cannot cater special meals for seven different people.. it is just not possible.  You are allowed to say that you do not care for the taste of something, but there is no complaining allowed.  As I overheard Kody say to a friend one time, " we are not allowed to be picky."

11. Communal living.  One for all and all for one applies to the toys, books and games in this house.  All things are to be respected and shared.

12. With the addition of each child you add one more layer of organization and let go of a little more.  Our lives are simplified because just the basics of daily living take up a full day.  This can be hard for me because of #8, when I compare to other smaller families.  Kevin has to regularly remind me that we will be different because we have five kids. 

13.  Pray everyday for every child.  And find some time in the day or night to read the Bible - it radically changes my attitude and perspective for the day.  Since London I have used my time up in the middle of the night to pray for the little ones tucked in down the hallway.  One night I started praying for the people they would marry someday and it hit me that in our next season of life we could have 10 children.  And so now I pray for them too.

14. It is my responsibility to raise, train and disciple my five children.  This is going to time time and energy.  Which means I will has less time and energy for other relationships or interests.  I still desperately need my girlfriends and some free time for myself but the more children I have the less time there is for other things.  I have to work creatively with our schedule to make sure I am taking care of myself without neglecting my family and also the other way around.  

15.  We are blessed.  We get lots of crazy looks and the "i don't know how you do it"s.  It isn't easy and there are certainly days where Kevin and I feel like we are in over our heads.  But in the end we are so thankful for the five children that fill this house with lots of noise and mess.  I have yet to meet someone whose children are all grown and they wish they could go back and have less kids.... it is always more.