Choices
Today I found myself on a trip down memory lane. The boys and I went to visit my dad for the afternoon. He volunteered to watch the boys while I went out running by myself. It was gorgeous weather today for a run and as I started out down that familiar path my mind began to flood with days gone by. As my feet hit the pavement over and over, the streets rolled by and with them specific moments that touched my life.
Earlier that day during the car trip out to Grandad's, my oldest started recallng stories I had told him about when I was a child. For some reason he was reminded about the presents I use to get on St. Nickolaus Tag when I was a child. "You got sticks with candy on them, right, mommy?". "Yes, honey." (Kody thinking...) "You got sticks and candy because sometimes you were good and sometimes you were bad...sometimes you made good choices and sometimes you made bad choices." "That's right, babe, sometimes mommy made good choices and sometimes she made bad choices," I replied to him.
As I ran through the neighborhood that holds all my adolescent memories this afternoon that conversation with my Kody came back to me. I thought of the the bad choices and the heartache that I experienced while living there....wondering if I could go back in time if I would make different choices. When I reached my parents house, from outside I could hear my dad teasing my boys and they were all laughing and having a great time. In that moment I knew the answer. I wouldn't change it. The bad choices, the heartaches....they all brought me to the person I am today and gave me the life I now have. These heartaches allow me to now experience the sweetness of a loving husband, two incredibly children, a great friendship with my earthly Father and a growing relationship with my Heavenly Father. And while I don't want my children to experience disappointments, rejection, and bad choices.... I hope I can remember when those days come that those times are what will make the future sweetness a possibility.
Earlier that day during the car trip out to Grandad's, my oldest started recallng stories I had told him about when I was a child. For some reason he was reminded about the presents I use to get on St. Nickolaus Tag when I was a child. "You got sticks with candy on them, right, mommy?". "Yes, honey." (Kody thinking...) "You got sticks and candy because sometimes you were good and sometimes you were bad...sometimes you made good choices and sometimes you made bad choices." "That's right, babe, sometimes mommy made good choices and sometimes she made bad choices," I replied to him.
As I ran through the neighborhood that holds all my adolescent memories this afternoon that conversation with my Kody came back to me. I thought of the the bad choices and the heartache that I experienced while living there....wondering if I could go back in time if I would make different choices. When I reached my parents house, from outside I could hear my dad teasing my boys and they were all laughing and having a great time. In that moment I knew the answer. I wouldn't change it. The bad choices, the heartaches....they all brought me to the person I am today and gave me the life I now have. These heartaches allow me to now experience the sweetness of a loving husband, two incredibly children, a great friendship with my earthly Father and a growing relationship with my Heavenly Father. And while I don't want my children to experience disappointments, rejection, and bad choices.... I hope I can remember when those days come that those times are what will make the future sweetness a possibility.
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